Spoons, Boundaries, and the Sacred Art of Energy Protection

Jul 9

4 min read

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Seven silver spoons on a wooden board with the text "Spoons, Boundaries, and the Sacred Art of Energy Protection" in a blue box.

As we celebrate Disability Pride Month, I find myself thinking about the conversations that have been surfacing everywhere lately—from group therapy, healing circles to public healthcare meetings. The topic? The spoon theory. And more importantly, how protecting our energy isn't just self-care fluff, but a radical act of survival and self-advocacy for those of us living with chronic pain and disability.

The Spoon Theory: More Than a Metaphor

For those unfamiliar, the spoon theory was created by Christine Miserendino, a woman living with lupus, to explain the limited energy resources that people with chronic illnesses face daily. The theory describes how people with chronic pain and illness have a finite amount of energy (represented by spoons) to spend on completing tasks on any given day. Imagine starting each day with a limited number of spoons—each representing a unit of energy. Every task, from showering to grocery shopping to having a difficult conversation, costs spoons. When they're gone, they're gone.

This isn't about being lazy, dramatic, or complaining. It's about the very real physical and emotional taxation that chronic pain, mental health conditions, and disabilities place on our bodies and minds. When you're managing pain levels, advocating for your healthcare needs to be met, medication schedules, medical appointments, and the constant mental load of navigating a world not designed for your needs, your energy bank account operates very differently.

The Energy Equation: Why Boundaries Aren't Selfish

Here's what I've learned from my experiences and conversations with fellow spoonies: energy protection isn't luxury—it's necessity. When someone tells you that your energy isn't unlimited, that it's "not a group buffet," they're speaking directly to the disabled experience.

We live in a culture that glorifies the grind, celebrates exhaustion, and treats "busy" as a badge of honor. But when you're working with a limited energy supply, every "yes" becomes a calculated decision. Every boundary you set is literally a matter of functioning versus crashing flare up.

The Hidden Labor of Chronic Pain

People don't see the energy it takes to:

Wake up already exhausted from poor sleep due to pain
Manage medications and their side effects
Navigate medical appointments and insurance battles
Mask your pain levels in professional and social settings
Advocate for your needs in a world that often doubts invisible disabilities
Process the grief of lost abilities and changed life plans

Each of these is a spoon. Each requires energy reserves that healthy people take for granted.

Disability Pride and the Right to Preserve Energy

Disability Pride Month isn't just about celebration—it's about recognizing that disabled people have the right to exist as they are, without constantly proving their worth or pushing beyond their limits. It's about understanding that accessibility isn't accommodation—it's justice.

When we talk about protecting our energy, we're claiming our right to:

Say no without providing a medical dissertation
Prioritize our health without guilt
Set boundaries that honor our limitations
Exist at our own pace in our own bodies

Practical Spoon Conservation Strategies

1. Energy Auditing

Track your energy expenditure for a week. Notice what drains you most:

Certain people or conversations
Specific environments or activities
Times of day when you're most vulnerable
Emotional labor that others take for granted

2. Boundary Scripts for Spoonies

"I'm managing my energy carefully today, so I can't take that on."
"That sounds important, but I'm not available for that right now."
"I need to check my capacity before I can commit to anything."
"I'm prioritizing my health, so I'll need to pass."

3. The Energy Fortress

Create protective barriers around your precious resources:

Turn off non-essential notifications
Batch similar tasks together
Build rest into your schedule as non-negotiable
Identify your energy vampires and limit exposure

4. Reframe Rest as Resistance

In a world that demands constant productivity, rest becomes a radical act. Your nap isn't laziness—it's energy management. Your cancelled plans aren't flakiness—they're self-preservation.

The Ripple Effect of Energy Protection

When you protect your energy, you're not just helping yourself. You're modeling for others that:

Limits are human and necessary
Self-advocacy is a skill worth developing
Disabled people deserve to pace themselves
Quality of life matters more than quantity of activities

You're also ensuring that the energy you do have can be directed toward what truly matters—your health, your relationships, your advocacy, your joy.

A Message for Allies

If you're reading this as someone who doesn't live with chronic pain or disability, here's how you can help:

Believe people when they tell you about their limitations
Don't take boundary-setting personally
Offer support without expecting detailed explanations
Advocate for accessibility in spaces you control
Understand that energy management is a survival skill, not a character flaw

The Glitter and Dragon Fire Truth

Your energy is indeed "a precious, powerful current that deserves to be protected like a crown jewel dipped in glitter and dragon fire." For those of us living with chronic pain and disabilities, this protection isn't metaphorical—it's literal survival.

During Disability Pride Month and beyond, let's celebrate not just our resilience, but our right to exist without depleting ourselves. Let's honor the spoon theory not as a limitation, but as a framework for living authentically within our means.

Your spoons are sacred. Your boundaries are valid. Your energy is not public property.

Guard it fiercely. You deserve to sparkle at your own pace.

This Disability Pride Month let's commit to normalizing energy protection, boundary-setting, and the radical act of existing authentically in our bodies. The spoon theory isn't just a metaphor—it's a manifesto for sustainable living with chronic conditions.